Isaiah’s Story

Growing up, my life revolved around the church. My Dad was a youth worker and Mum was also really involved in church life. I had a strong faith foundation. Everything changed when I lost my mum to bowel cancer when I was 15. Her passing marked the beginning of a dark period in my life.

The journey through my mother's illness was a painful one. When she was diagnosed, the doctors initially told us that she would be ok. But, the cancer got into her blood stream. I still remember the day my parents sat us down and told us Mum had stage 4 cancer. She battled for 2 more years.

She was my female role model; we were now just a family of boys. They were the only ones who understood what I was going through, yet despite attempts to talk about our feelings, it was hard. Everyone was dealing with the grief in their own way. It's so hard for a parent to talk about that kind of thing to their child. My parents had been together since they were 17. The pain and loneliness led me to question my faith in God.

I found myself drifting away from God. The things I had been taught in childhood—that God is good and fights for us—felt hollow. I struggled to reconcile the idea of a loving God with the pain I was experiencing. Instead of turning to God for strength, I relied on my own efforts. Looking back, I think I lost trust that He would provide for me.  

Pretty soon after my Mum died, I started trying to mask the pain, and I got into a relationship. She really built me back up again, but I knew it wasn’t necessarily healthy. I went off to university for a few years and we were long distance, but we had planned our lives together. One day, out of the blue, she called it off. I was heartbroken, and remember asking “Where is God?”. I found myself at a crossroads—do I continue to rely on my own strength or surrender to something greater? It was in this moment of vulnerability that I encountered God's grace.

The night of the break up, I still remember now, God spoke to me so clearly about this church with a coffee van that I had seen on instagram. I had thought of coming before but decided not to. This night, I felt like God was saying “Go and speak to someone there. You’re going to give this a go.” I could feel Gods presence that night and I began to let him in. It was the first time in a long time I had faced Him and let my guard down. I signed up for Alpha that night too. The next day I went to the coffee van and I met Dan. I started talking to him about how I was feeling. He jumped off the van and sat with me for an hour and a half as I told him about everything. I was blown away by his kindness as I had never met him before, yet he was willing to take that time to listen to me.

In the days that followed, I found myself drawn to prayer. Despite my reservations, I felt a deep sense of peace wash over me—a peace that could only be attributed to the Holy Spirit. God really started to show up in weird things, like YouTube videos and meeting other Christians. I started actively seeking God and researching evidence of Him. I finally said “Take over God, what do I have to lose?”.

After that day, every time I tried to do something in my own strength, I felt like it was a no from God. He was telling me that isn’t who I am. My first surrender was my headspace, my thinking and my mental health. The first Sunday I went to church, God was in that. Every word in the prayers spoke into every aspect of my life.

I went to Alpha, and I found a community who supported me on my journey of faith. I delved deeper into the teachings of Christianity, seeking answers to the questions I had, and finding hard evidence. I wanted to be able to show my friends solid sources to back up the emotional element of faith. I was a history student so for me, the evidence was clear. I was in a group of around 10-12 university age guys all searching for the same thing. We started to navigate the Christian life together. Finally, I was no longer on my own. We continued to meet every week and read the bible together.

My life has completely changed, even down to my thought patterns. Don’t get me wrong, life is still hard and I make many mistakes, but I can speak to God completely freely and be unfiltered. I feel guidance, assurance, validation, I’m less selfish and prideful, I believe in the power of prayer, I try to enter situations with the attitude “Your will not mine”. God has pulled me out of the darkest situations. He is my God.

To anyone who feels alone or in darkness, invite God in and He will turn your life around.